The Final Cut Lingo

I'm a fantasy novelist, and that means I make up a lot of words. You know--I just create them out of my head or I take words we're all familiar with and apply them a different way. It's kind of what I'm paid to do. If you've been listening to The Final Cut for a while, you already know the lingo, but I don't want to leave new listeners out in the cold. So here's your vocabulary list. It's due next week on Friday night at 8pm.

Abercrombie Land: (n) My little term for the hypothetical country inhabited by our non-geek friends who sadly lack appreciation for such beautiful things as ray guns and wizard's staffs. Sentence Usage: For those of you in Abercrombie Land, The Dark Knight is another term for Batman.

Bobble-Heads: (n) Typical movie reviewers who tend to pick the worst films as their favorites. Sentence usage: A movie's success in the box office is usually inversely proportionate to how much the Bobble Heads like it.

Elitist Academy: (n) The self-proclaimed brilliant souls who control the Oscars. Sentence usage: The Elitist Academy proved how out of touch they were with the 2008 Academy Awards. Alt. Sentence: The Elitist Academy refused to give Johnny Depp an Oscar for his role as Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl.

Flick Chick: (n) That would be me, which is kind of funny because I do not like chick flicks.

Jedi Master: (adj) Title for a director whose work has raised him to a new level in the realm of sci-fi/fantasy movies. Sentence usage: Jedi Master Peter Jackson will not direct The Hobbit--no matter how much we've all begged and pleaded with him. For antonyms, see Sith Lord.

M. Night Shyamalamadingdong: (n) You all know what a name-massacrist I am. I just can't pronounce M. Night Shyamalan without screwing it up.

Mojo: (n) That intangible quality of a blockbuster--the one thing none of us can ever put our finger on, but we know it's there. Sentence usage: Star Wars has the mojo; alas, Star Ship Troopers had absolutely none.

Muggles: (n) Poor, pitiful souls who have no idea about the wonderful world of Science Fiction & Fantasy movies going on around them. Most of them reside in Abercrombie Land (see above).

Red Shirts: (n) Extras in a movie--usually the ones who get killed while the main characters live. A reference to the Original Star Trek series where the extras wore red shirts (as opposed to the main characters who wore shirts of other hues)--and were the only ones to ever get killed. Sentence usage: The Two Towers was full of Red Shirt carnage.

Shia Pet: (n) No offense to Mr. Shia LaBeouf, but I've even had teenagers train me to pronounce his name, and I can't do it. So he is hence dubbed Shia Pet, mainly because the hair...

Sith Lord: (adj) My title for directors whom I despise for various reasons. Sentence Usage: Sith Lord Oliver Stone, not to be outdone by his apprentice, Michael Moore, is making a movie about George W. Bush called W. For antonyms, see Jedi Knight.

Wile E. Coyote Physics: (n) The reason James Bond is still alive. Like the coyote in Bugs Bunny, many action/adventer/sci-fi/fantasy heros should be dead, but for some reason, the laws of regular physics don't apply to them. They, therefore, must fall under the jurisdiction of the laws of Wile E. Coyote physics.